2019年2月14日星期四

Telling a joke to learn chinese 2

Let's start!

When i was middle school student,my teacher in charge of the class teachs chinese,he was a tall and thin man and very strict,maybe rather is irritable、brutal、fierce.He treats students like beasts when students hadn't finished thier assignments or without discipline in class and shcool,especially like students fighting each other.Do you know what 'services' would those students get?Or we could say what tricks did that teacher have?Let me tell you:A HEAVY STOMP on toes with a hard leather shoe's heel that seemed like a hardest one of the world、A HEAVY FLOG on palm with a thin pamboo cane that thin as a little finger、A HEAVY LASH on calf muscle with adge of wooden set square that used on chalk board,etc…What do these 'services' taste like?The tears in students'eyes the twists and jerks of bodies told the answer:painful,and even though the exhausting 'services' was waiting there too,for example:running 20、40 etc laps around the playground like training you for ten thousand kilometres championship of OlympicGames,afterwards you covered in sweat and the beads was dropping from your faint pink flush face,seemed like you had just had a sex.and you were like as hound hanging out of your tongue and panting .

(Below i am going to continue the story in chinese because i feel my english level is not good enough to express and you people could also have some chinese to read)

那日我们在上这个老师的课,一个同学想要大便又不敢和老师说。刚好又遇上拉稀,比普通的时候难憋,那大便充满了巨大的能量地往外冲,像是一座即将爆发的火山,又像黄河洪灾泛滥河坝摇摇欲坠。豆大的汗珠从哪位同学的额头滑落,使尽全部的力量紧闭肛门,屁股在凳子上来回挤压磨蹭以缓解压力,从桌洞里拿出一本子撕下一片纸揉成丸子大小的团子拿着伸进裤子往肛门里塞堵住出口。边上幸灾乐祸的好友在发笑。

怎奈肚子里的那股能量实在太大,犹如一颗在发射场预备发射的火箭:Three,two, one,ready!,“轰…”犹如水坝塌方洪水夹杂泥石流爆轰出来,又如火山爆发,岩浆四溢,人人四处逃散。同学精疲力尽,已无力阻挡悲剧的上演,在那一瞬间他似乎体会到了一种前所未有的难以形容的感觉,一股热流轰了出来,在屁股处一种微微鼓起的异物感,顿时臭气熏天,附近一阵喧哗抱怨谴责之声,或捻鼻或手掌扇在鼻前驱赶臭气,犹如回到二战战场被毒气攻击。

附近的同学把情况报告了老师,在老师的惊讶表情下,那位同学跑过两排课桌中间的过道,一路臭气尾随,一时犹如一过街老鼠人人喊打,老师闻气顿时眉头紧锁。

下课后同学们纷纷去厕所小便,看到那位同学蹲在茅坑上,屁股上好像贴着个药饼一样不知怎么处理,一脸无辜尴尬,楚楚可怜,还旷了两节课,中午坐在宿舍床上手里拿着条裤子发呆。

submitted by /u/jimtran0920
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Time-lapse: Beautiful cacti bloom before your eyes

from New China TV https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWntHYtd5Vo